The point appears to be not just to stay the same your whole life but to grow, to really grow and open, grow in seeing, grow in awareness.
—Paula D’Arcy
Retreat leader Paula D’Arcy recounts how she was transformed by the deep grief of losing her husband and daughter to a drunk driver:
My call to this work came slowly because it didn’t come out of the light, it came out of an experience of darkness. During that period of time, I had an overwhelming sense that everything I had ever believed was too small—not necessarily wrong but needing to grow or expand. One of the things I confronted was my idea that the proof of a loving God was when things in your life were favorable. But in the face of my loss and all that had happened, something in me could not deny that God was nevertheless loving and with me. A considerable shift in my awareness was beginning to take place.
I also had a growing sense that the darkness I felt was not a darkness without hope. The dark was luminous. It wasn’t something I could name at the time, I simply felt it to be from a realm greater than my human experience, and that it wanted to help me if I would turn toward it.
I guess I would call it a force of love, and when I encountered it, my aliveness was heightened, right in the midst of the grief. All the things I used to worry about and focus on no longer mattered. As I focused on this love, my perspective grew. I understood for the first time that I wasn’t controlling anything. Life was happening on its own, and my eyes began to open to the whole world and all its suffering. I was hardly the first person to lose a husband or a child, but in my former comfortable life, before it happened to me, I hadn’t given this a lot of thought. But now that suffering was a lived experience, I realized there was so much I needed to change about how I understood life. I had to move beyond my old conclusions.
The way I prayed changed during this time. Prior to my loss, my prayers had been petitions for things I hoped to have or intercessions for others. Now my one prayer was, “Show me. Show me,” or, “Teach me how to see.” A guidance from within began transforming me through that prayer. I felt a sincere desire to help others realize what I had begun to realize—that in the times for which there are no easy answers and when your suffering is great, something from within is able to help you, and wants to help you. It called me forward, and once I gave it my full attention, even though my circumstances were unchanged, I was changing. As my heart continued to open, I saw everything through new eyes.
Reference:
Adapted from Mike Petrow, Paul Swanson, and Richard Rohr, “Stumbling over the Stumbling Stone with Paula D’Arcy,” Everything Belongs, season 1, ep. 5 (Albuquerque, NM: Center for Action and Contemplation, 2024), podcast. Available as MP3 audio download and PDF transcript.
Image credit and inspiration: Jenna Keiper, web of water (detail), 2020, photo, Washington. Click here to enlarge image. Like this spider’s web, a ray of light can illuminate and transform us.
Story from Our Community:
Our 18-month-old grandson has been teaching me to be attentive, present, and to listen. I have been learning how to let go of my agendas and anxieties so that I can better live out of my True Self. I believe I’m becoming a better person because I’m gradually learning how to be who God created me to be. In my relationships both near and far, I trust I am becoming more authentic, present, and loving.
—David R.
