Cultural critic bell hooks (1952–2021) reminds us to nurture the self-love that is our birthright:
Self-love is the foundation of our loving practice. Without it our other efforts to love fail. Giving ourselves love we provide our inner being with the opportunity to have the unconditional love we may have always longed to receive from someone else…. We can give ourselves the unconditional love that is the grounding for sustained acceptance and affirmation. When we give this precious gift to ourselves, we are able to reach out to others from a place of fulfillment and not from a place of lack….
In an ideal world we would all learn in childhood to love ourselves. We would grow, being secure in our worth and value, spreading love wherever we went, letting our light shine. If we did not learn self-love in our youth, there is still hope. The light of love is always in us, no matter how cold the flame. It is always present, waiting for the spark to ignite, waiting for the heart to awaken and call us back to the first memory of being the life force inside a dark place waiting to be born—waiting to see the light. [1]
Feminist author Audre Lorde (1934–1992) emphasizes the need to practice self-love, especially for communities who have often been denied such love or tenderness:
I have to learn to love myself before I can love you or accept your loving. You have to learn to love yourself before you can love me or accept my loving.… Until now, there has been little that taught us how to be kind to each other. To the rest of the world, yes, but not to ourselves. There have been few external examples of how to treat another Black woman with kindness, deference, tenderness or an appreciative smile in passing, just because she IS; an understanding of each other’s shortcomings because we have been somewhere close to that, ourselves. When last did you compliment another sister, give recognition to her specialness? We have to consciously study how to be tender with each other until it becomes a habit because what was native has been stolen from us, the love of Black women for each other. But we can practice being gentle with ourselves by being gentle with each other. We can practice being gentle with each other by being gentle with that piece of ourselves that is hardest to hold, by giving more to the brave bruised girlchild within each of us, by expecting a little less from her gargantuan efforts to excel. We can love her in the light as well as in the darkness, quiet her frenzy toward perfection and encourage her attentions toward fulfillment. Maybe then we will come to appreciate more how much she has taught us, and how much she is doing to keep this world revolving toward some livable future. [2]
References:
[1] bell hooks, All About Love: New Visions (William Morrow, 2000), 67, 68.
[2] Audre Lorde, “Eye to Eye: Black Women, Hatred, and Anger,” in Sister Outsider: Essays and Speeches, rev. ed. (Crossing Press, 2007), 174, 175.
Image credit and inspiration: Sankhadeep Barman, untitled (detail), 2019, photo, Unsplash. Click here to enlarge image. The person lingers in awe, wholly present with the flowers, letting herself be consumed by their quiet beauty, choosing to behold and simply be with them.
Story from Our Community:
I was born into evangelical Christianity and until I was 65, I bought all the doctrines—hook, line, and sinker. When I heard a story of a young gay man who felt he had to choose between his own mental health and Christianity, I began to see how I’d judged everyone who didn’t fit into the very small box my church had constructed. I let go of all I had believed, only to discover that God is infinitely better than I’d ever imagined. Everyone one is infinitely loved, including me. I have come home to heaven at last.
—Carla H.
