Graced Metamorphosis

Growing up in a Southern Baptist family on the Texas Gulf Coast, I was taught to be kind, helpful, and always willing to lend a hand. My family insisted that our religion stressed obedience, good manners, and putting others first. While I loved my family and wanted to please God, I sometimes felt like I had to do everything everyone asked without considering my own wants and needs. These values were deeply ingrained in me, shaping my character and outlook on life. 

As I got older, I realized that my desire to help others was often taken for granted. People would ask me to do things, and I would always say yes without any additional thought. I wanted to be the perfect young lady. I would do anything for anyone in my bubble, even if it meant sacrificing my own happiness. Actually, that was my happiness—and I was afraid of what people would think if I said no. 

I didn’t realize it at the time, but my willingness to help others was also a way for me to feel good about myself. I wanted people to like me and appreciate what I did for them. It was a way to please my parents and make friends. Because I had no expectations of anyone or any expectations of reciprocity, it took me a while to realize that my kindness was being used against me. I was giving so much of myself, but I wasn’t getting anything in return. Deep down, I was starting to feel resentful. People expected me to be there for them, but they didn’t always reciprocate. I started to feel used and unappreciated.  

It was during my marriage that I began to see the effects of this approach. My husband is a business owner with an extensive background as a sales executive. He could smell inauthenticity from a mile away, and he was not too keen on my tendency to curry favor through acts of service. I had learned to put others first, even if it meant neglecting myself. I began to question my motives and to understand why I did the things I did. I realized that my fear of rejection and abandonment had led me to seek approval and validation through my service to others. Through my relationship with my husband, I learned that true service is not about doing things for others out of obligation or expectation. It is about doing things for others out of love and compassion. It is about putting the needs of others before my own, without any thought of reward—although, to be honest, I had that part down.  

I also learned that it is okay to set boundaries and to say no. It is important to take care of yourself. By setting boundaries, you are not being selfish. You are simply being responsible and protecting your own well-being. These lessons helped to release me from resenting my training. I’m no longer angry about what I was taught and how I was shaped because I’ve learned how to use it.  

I’m grateful for my husband and the lessons I’ve learned in our marriage. As I continue to grow, I’m committed to serving others in a way that is genuine and compassionate. 

Chrystal Key is a Dallas resident who enjoys spending time with her husband. As a dedicated Salesforce Administrator at the CAC, she is passionate about using technology to support the organization’s mission.  Chrystal is the primary CRM (database) partner with Ben & Danny for CAC’s development team. When not at work, she finds relaxation in yoga and walking. Committed to giving back, Chrystal also volunteers at the local food bank.