Father Richard describes what he considers to be essential qualities of a true mentor:
I would name the first characteristic of mentors as “magnanimity of soul.” Mentors have a generous acceptance of variety, difference, and the secret, unique character of each person and where they are on their journey. Without that inner generosity, we invariably try to fit every person inside of our own box. We expect them to think, behave, and become exactly like us, because we’re the reference point. We want them to be Catholic or educated or capitalists like we are. Without a magnanimity of soul we cannot affirm, validate, or mirror the souls and journeys of others.
Secondly, to be a mentor we have to have a capacity for simple friendship. We have to know how to accompany someone, befriend and walk with them simply for the sake of relationship. If we’re focused on it for the sake of an ego boost, professional advancement, or money, then we’re not a mentor. Those concerns simply fall away for true mentors because they know that life is being transferred and shared. When we experience that flow of life from us to another person, we’re not concerned with whether we’re getting paid.
Thirdly, if a mentor is not free to talk about going down just as much as going up, they aren’t a mentor. C. S. Lewis once said that for him, “Nothing was any good until it had been down in the cellar for a while.” [1] A true mentor has the patience, the authority, and the courage to share when and how they’ve been “down in the cellar for a while.” It’s not all about climbing and achievement. If someone says we can have or be anything we want to be, that’s an objective lie and it’s a non-mentor saying that. Only wealthy people in the first world would be privileged enough to believe that. A mentor doesn’t offer “entitlement training.” [2] They invite us on a journey and say, “You’ve got to go yourself.” They also say, “I’ll accompany you. I’ll walk with you on that journey. If you need me, call me.” We can only lead people as far as we ourselves have gone. If we haven’t walked our journey, how could we possibly lead or accompany anybody else on their journey?
Even if we aren’t in a formal mentoring relationship with others, if we keep maturing, if we use all we have experienced for our own soul work, then I think we’re already giving something to the next generation. We become a generative human being, and life will flow out from us, just by being who we are. That’s precisely what they said of Jesus: “power came out from him” (Luke 6:19). He had inner authority, and when we have inner authority, we also, by our being and our bearing, offer self-confidence, grounding, and validation to those around us.
References:
[1] Derek Brewer, “The Tutor: A Portrait,” in Remembering C. S. Lewis, ed. James T. Como, 3rd ed. (San Francisco: Ignatius Press, 2005), 149.
[2] See Bill Plotkin, Nature and the Human Soul: Cultivating Wholeness and Community in a Fragmented World (Novato, CA: New World Library, 2008), 102–103.
Adapted from Richard Rohr, Mentoring: Beloved Sons Series (Albuquerque, NM: Center for Action and Contemplation, 2009). Available as MP3 audio download.
Image credit and inspiration: Jenna Keiper, a walk in the fog with Richard, Kirsten, and Patrick (detail), 2019, photo, Albuquerque. Click here to enlarge image. Patrick Boland, Kirsten Oates, and Richard Rohr walk together—students and teacher—navigating a pathway on a cold, foggy morning.
Story from Our Community:
It’s hard to imagine my life without the influence of Fr. Richard Rohr. He has been a mentor to me for over 25 years—from the page. Each day, the Daily Meditations inspire me, challenge me, and teach me about God’s love. I feel encouraged when I see the unique divinity of each person and recognize the powerful presence of God in the beauty of all creation. I’m so grateful for this deep grounding in truth.
—Kit E.
