Father Richard suggests how we might honor our emotions without overly attaching to them:
When it comes to honoring our emotions, we have to say both a strong “yes” and a strong “no.” We must begin with “yes” because so many of us were trained, by family and religion, to not feel our feelings. They thought they were doing us a favor, because they didn’t want emotions to rule our life. Unfortunately, that gave a moral connotation to even having feelings, not just the “negative” ones like anger, resentment, or fear, but the positive ones too, like pleasure, happiness, and even desire. The overt or subliminal messaging “That’s wrong. That’s bad” stunted our capacity to appreciate, and to suffer or to allow the full meaning of reality. Emotions are, first of all, a gift from God so that we can touch reality by a way other than our brain.
Pastor Peter Scazzero affirms that our emotions are central to our humanity and to our relationships with God and people:
Like most Christians, I was taught that almost all feelings are unreliable and not to be trusted. They go up and down and are the last thing we should be attending to in our spiritual lives. It is true that some Christians live in the extreme of following their feelings…. It is more common, however, to encounter Christians who do not believe they have permission to admit their feelings or express them openly. This applies especially to such “difficult” feelings as fear, sadness, shame, anger, hurt, and pain. And yet, how can we listen to what God is saying and evaluate what is going on inside when we cut ourselves off from our emotions?
To feel is to be human. To minimize or deny what we feel is a distortion of what it means to be image bearers of God. To the degree that we are unable to express our emotions, we remain impaired in our ability to love God, others, and ourselves well. Why? Because our feelings are a component of what it means to be made in the image of God. To cut them out of our spirituality is to slice off an essential part of our humanity. [1]
Richard considers the risk of overemphasizing the importance of our feelings:
Because emotions were so repressed and denied and thought to be always faulty, it’s probably one of the major reasons we moved into overly heady Christianity. We’re rediscovering the value of emotions now, but this has the danger of swinging the pendulum to the other side—assuming that emotions are always right, always good. But when taken at face value, emotions don’t have any cognitive balancing. We aren’t asking “Is that a sensible response? Is that a reasonable response?” So, we have a lot of sentimentality and drama, the pumping up of emotions about nothing. We spend hours creating outer dramas, particularly when there’s no inner drama, no inner aliveness or contentment. Inside the frame of the smaller self, we tend to make everything a big deal.
References:
[1] Peter Scazzero, Emotionally Healthy Spirituality, updated ed. (Zondervan, 2017), 24–25.
Adapted from Richard Rohr, Another Name for Every Thing, podcast, season 3, ep. 8, “Emotional Buoyancy,” April 11, 2020, Center for Action and Contemplation. Available as audio download and PDF transcript.
Image credit and inspiration: Nsey Benajah, untitled (detail), 2020, photo, Unsplash. Click here to enlarge image. A gentle openness, relaxed and present, welcomes each moment as it is; neither clinging to feeling nor fleeing from it—simply accepting and allowing it to flow through.
Story from Our Community:
I used to feel ashamed of my emotions. I thought something was wrong with me when my eyes would suddenly and spontaneously “leak” during a commercial or small interaction. I have learned to embrace my deep emotions as evidence of my own empathic nature. My prayer to embrace this is: “Help me express my emotions in a way that will bring healing to others.” God continues to answer this prayer of mine.
—Barbara S.
