Monkeys in the Banana Tree

How can we embrace contemplation when we experience inner turmoil? Wendy VanderWal of the Henri Nouwen Society reveals how Nouwen encourages us to move from fear to love through prayer, community, and justice. Nouwen’s journey of vulnerability and connection offers a roadmap for living authentically and cultivating compassion for ourselves and others in a divided and anxious world.
Contemplation did not come easily for the Dutch priest and spiritual writer Henri Nouwen. A revered writer and professor, Henri’s vulnerable, humble approach to spirituality endeared him to millions. While pointing people to a life of prayer, the extroverted Nouwen nevertheless lived life sometimes at a frenetic pace and often struggled with contemplation. He referred to the process of slowing down and being faced with the mind’s thoughts like monkeys jumping around in a banana tree: “As soon as I decide to stay in my solitude, confusing ideas, disturbing images, wild fantasies, and weird associations jump about in my mind like monkeys in a banana tree.”¹
Instead of battling the monkeys to calm down, Nouwen viewed contemplative prayer as the process of bringing the mind’s jumping monkeys before God and discovering the gentle, loving Divine presence. Even when feeling like a failure at contemplation, Henri Nouwen found God’s love and his own identity as God’s beloved child amid his mind’s “jumping monkeys.” He also referred to prayer as “wasting time with God”² in which one takes a break from the frenetic pace and allows the constructed identity of our roles and achievements to settle into the background.

“Even when feeling like a failure at contemplation, Henri Nouwen found God’s love and his own identity as God’s beloved child amid his mind’s ‘jumping monkeys.’”
Wendy VanderWal Martin is the Director of Development at the Henri Nouwen society. In her work, she takes the rich deposit of spiritual wisdom left by Henri Nouwen as a catalyst to invite people into an intentional journey of contemplation and spiritual practice. A deep journey of spiritual practice inevitably leads to compassionate connection with others and enlarges practitioners’ capacity to be peacemakers and pursuers of justice in their own contexts. She describes how Henri Nouwen calls people to key rhythms:
In speaking about peace, he calls us to prayer, resistance, and community. In speaking about justice, he calls us to contemplation, community, and care. In every iteration, we are invited to listen deeply to God, connect deeply with others, and then offer ourselves deeply to the world. Our work at the Henri Nouwen Society embodies these rhythms as we encourage people to be active participants with God in the work of making things right in our wounded world.³
For VanderWal Martin, the practice of contemplation organically creates opportunities to embody love. She describes a personal experience of visiting a rural courtroom in Maine, at the margins of the community, and perceiving God’s love for every human being. Many of the people present were under the influence of drugs and alcohol. In their interactions with the judge, who genuinely seemed to meet each individual with kindness and respect, many said they had no income to pay their various fines. While witnessing these interactions, Wendy experienced a trusting faith that “we are all beloved, divine beings.”⁴
“In speaking about peace, Henri Nouwen calls us to prayer, resistance, and community. In speaking about justice, he calls us to contemplation, community, and care. In every iteration, we are invited to listen deeply to God, connect deeply with others, and then offer ourselves deeply to the world.” —Wendy VanderWal Martin

Henri Nouwen wrote about moving from the “house of fear to the house of love.”⁵ The movement from fear to love became very helpful for VanderWal Martin as a hurting young person reading Nouwen’s work. Moving away from fear and toward love became a core spiritual practice for her. She explains, “When I felt fear or anxiety arising within me, I would pause and ask myself the question, ‘How would this be different if I was energized by love and not by fear in this moment?”⁶
Nouwen embodied this motif in his life, in the way that he struggled with his own woundedness, as well as the love that he expressed for others. Nouwen took moments of connection with other people very seriously. Biographer Michael Ford highlights Nouwen’s international travel, the friendships he nurtured and the connections he made everywhere he went. On his airline trips, “It was not unusual for the passenger to end up both on Nouwen’s mailing list and in his prayers.”⁷ He corresponded with thousands of people, leaving over 16,000 letters in his archives. VanderWal Martin said, “Knowing himself to be beloved, he was then able to be with any and every different kind of person and be a loving, intentional, focused presence with them.”⁸

“Fear-filled questions never lead to love-filled answers.… Fear never gives birth to love.” —Henri Nouwen
In a time in which so many are experiencing fear and anxiety about the present and future, Nouwen’s wisdom still speaks to us. Fear divides, separates, and pits us against each other, but “fear-filled questions never lead to love-filled answers.… Fear never gives birth to love.”⁹ In our fears of the people who are different from us, our fears of disappointing or letting people down, our fears that we are not good enough, Wendy VanderWal Martin thinks that “Henri distinctly unleashes the energy of love by helping us journey away from fear towards that energized place that really can be generous and open hearted and inclusive and curious, and listening to the other.”¹⁰
Reflect with Us
We invite you to consider how prayer has brought peace during times of inner turmoil or anxiety. What has helped you bring your “jumping monkeys” to God? Share your reflection with us.
We Conspire is a series from the Center for Action and Contemplation featuring wisdom and stories from the growing Christian contemplative movement. Sign up for the monthly email series and receive a free invitation to practice each month.
References:
[1] Henri Nouwen, The Essential Henri Nouwen, ed. Robert Jonas (Shambhala, 2009), 100.
[2] Henri Nouwen, Spiritual Formation: Following the Movements of the Spirit (HarperOne, 2010), 19–20.
[3] Email correspondence with Wendy VanderWal Martin, December 17, 2024.
[4] Interview with Wendy VanderWal Martin, December 5, 2024.
[5] Henri Nouwen, “The House of Love and Fear,” Henri Nouwen, Now & Then (Podcast), October 10, 2021, https://henrinouwen.org/listen/henri-nouwen-house-of-love/
[6] Interview with Wendy VanderWal Martin, December 5, 2024.
[7] Michael Ford, Wounded Prophet: A Portrait of Henri Nouwen (Image Books, 2002), 61.
[8] Interview with Wendy VanderWal Martin, December 5, 2024.
[9] Henri Nouwen, Lifesigns: Intimacy, Fecundity, and Ecstasy in Christian Perspective (RandomHouse, 2013), 6.
[10] Interview with Wendy VanderWal Martin, December 5, 2024.